Grief Deep Clean
Below is the same format I use for resentments, modified for grief.
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5 Column 6 Column 7
Loss Layers Needs P&P My Part Handle Notes
First, I go down the page and list the losses that I feel grief about in Column 1.
Column 1 = Loss
What loss am I grieving?
What happened?
Then, I go across the page for each loss and fill out Columns 2-5.
Column 2 = Layers of Feelings
I list all of the other emotions that I feel around the grief.
Shock, Anger, Fear, etc.
I pay special attention to finding the Fear that is beneath the grief.
What do I want that I am afraid I will never have because of this loss?
OR What did I have that I am afraid is lost forever now, and I will never have it again?
I also pay special attention to finding the Love that is beneath the fear.
What is it that I loved deeply and valued so much about this person, place, thing or situation?
Column 3 = Needs (Affected or Unmet)
What need corresponds to the Love I uncovered?
What other needs are affected by this loss?
Column 4 = Prayer & Pause (P&P)
I read the grief prayer or secular script below, inserting what/who I feel grief about in the blanks,
and then Pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration or intuitive thought.
Non-Christians can substitute whatever word they want for the word "God".
The secular version is below the prayer.
GRIEF PRAYER
"I am feeling immense grief about ____________________.
God, please help me to uncover the fear that is underneath this grief -
fear perhaps that I have lost something I had and that I will never get to have it again
or fear that I won't get something I want.
Please help me uncover the love that is underneath that fear - something that I loved deeply about ___________.
God, I know that Love is eternal. Please direct my attention to the immense love that I feel and my true need that corresponds to it."
After reading the prayer, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.
I write down what came up during the pause in Column 4.
SECULAR VERSION
"I am feeling immense grief about ____________________.
I know that underneath this grief there is fear - fear perhaps that I have lost something
I had and that I will never get to have it again
or fear that I won't get something I want.
I know that underneath this fear there is love - something that I loved deeply about ___________.
I direct my attention to this immense love and my true need that corresponds to it."
After reading the script, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.
I write down what came up during the pause in Column 4.
Column 5 = My Part
What belief(s) do I have about what happened?
What does what happened mean about me, others, the world, or life itself?
Column 6 = Handle
Traditionally, it helps to share Columns 1-5 with a safe person,
who can help identify patterns and find handles.
Column 7 = Neutralizing Notes
I plug each grief into a neutralizing technique.
(I find the TAT™ especially helpful for this. See Neutralizing Approaches & Techniques.)
After neutralizing the anchor, I write down what technique I used,
what the anchor was, and any insights I had.
Was the anchor the loss experience or something else?
What was the old story that I was telling myself about each resentment?
What belief(s) did I have about what happened, about myself, others or life?
What is my New Understanding of what happened?
What new beliefs seem possible now?
What is my New Story?
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