Resentment Deep Clean
Resentment is long-standing anger.
By taking a deep dive into my resentments,
I am cleaning up chronic (long-standing) triggered reactions.
These are usually low-level triggers that don't seem to be as disruptive
to my daily life like the intense acute triggers that randomly come up are,
but I have found that they actually do directly interfere with my life
in many subtle yet life-altering ways.
Examining my resentments reveals life-long patterns
that have been operating just below the surface,
having a profound effect on my life.
I like to start by focusing on resentments towards family of origin
since all of my other resentments tend to stem from those.
This clears out a lot of old baggage.
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5 Column 6 Column 7
Who & Why Layers Needs P&P My Part Handle Notes
Column 1 = Who & Why
Whom or what do I resent?
Why do I resent them?
Under the name (or descriptor) of each person (or thing/group/organization),
I write down all the reasons why I resent them.
What did they do or not do?
I use bullet points if there are multiple reasons.
Column 2 = Layers of Feelings (underneath the resentment)
I list all of the other emotions that I feel underneath the resentment.
Column 3 = Needs (Affected or Unmet)
What is the core need beneath all the layers of emotions?
What other needs were affected or unmet in each situation?
Column 4 = Prayer & Pause (P&P)
I read the resentment prayer or secular script below, inserting the person's name in the blank,
and then Pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration or intuitive thought.
Non-Christians can substitute whatever word they want for the word "God".
The secular version is below the prayer.
RESENTMENT PRAYER
"I realize that _______________, who wronged me, is perhaps a disconnected person. (or group of people)
Though I do not like her (or his or their) symptoms and the way those symptoms disturb me,
she (or he or they) - like me - is (are) emotionally and socially challenged due to unresolved trauma.
God, please help me show them the same tolerance, compassion and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
This is an emotionally sick person. (or group of people)
God, please save me from being angry, and help me avoid retaliation and argument.
I wouldn't treat a sick person that way.
If I did, it would destroy any chance I had of being helpful.
How can I be helpful to this person? (or group of people)
Though I cannot be helpful to all people, God, please show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."
After reading the prayer, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.
I write down what came up during the pause in Column 4.
SECULAR VERSION
"I realize that _______________, who wronged me, is perhaps a disconnected person. (or group of people)
Though I do not like his (or her or their) symptoms and the way those symptoms disturb me,
he (or she or they) - like me - is (are) emotionally and socially challenged due to unresolved trauma.
May I show them the same tolerance, compassion and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
This is an emotionally sick person. (or group of people)
I choose to let go of my anger and avoid retaliation and argument.
I wouldn't treat a sick person that way.
If I did, it would destroy any chance I had of being helpful.
How can I be helpful to this person? (or group of people)
Though I cannot be helpful to all people, I can learn how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."
After reading the script, I pause and see what comes up in the form of an inspiration/intuitive thought.
I write down what came up during the pause in Column 4.
Column 5 = My Part
I write down what my part was in each situation that I feel resentmentful about.
This column is usually easier to fill out if I have done the Prayer & Pause first.
If I was a true victim or an innocent child when the situation happened,
then I had no part in it.
I just write "true victim" or "innocent child"
or "innocent victim of generational trauma" or something like that in Column 5.
Column 6 = Handle
Traditionally, it helps to share Columns 1-5 with a safe person,
who can help identify patterns and find handles.
Column 7 = Neutralizing Notes
I plug the resentment into a neutralizing technique.
(I find the TAT™ especially helpful for this. See Neutralizing Approaches & Techniques.)
After neutralizing the anchor, I write down what technique I used,
what the anchor was, and any insights I had.
Was the anchor the experience I had the resentment about or something else?
What was the old story that I was telling myself about each resentment?
What belief(s) did I have about what happened, about myself, others or life?
What is my New Understanding of what happened?
What new beliefs seem possible now?
What is my New Story?
Doing my first Resentment Deep Clean took my healing process to a whole new level.
Afterwards, I was able to understand and utilize concepts that I was not able to fully grasp before.
(e.g. boundaries, non-violent communication, healthy methods for meeting my needs, and various healing modalities)
I find that doing a resentment deep clean on family of origin clears up a lot of the chaos
in a person's life.
Subsequent resentment deep cleans are usually focused on a specific area of life,
such as friendships, sex or romantic relationships, money, food, or an area of sytemic violence
(sexism, racism, classism, religious oppression, etc).
I look at all of my resentments towards individuals, groups of people and institutions related to that area of life.
These subsequent deep cleans tend to take an important area of my life to a higher level.
Disclaimers
The content on this website is for informational purposes only.
This website does not contain medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
The information on this website is not meant be used as a substitute for professional guidance from a doctor or other qualified healthcare provider.
References do not imply endorsement of any of the referenced person or entity's other material, ideas, beliefs, actions, or behaviors.
