RESENTMENT DEEP CLEAN
Resentment is long-standing anger.
By taking a deep dive into my resentments,
I am cleaning up chronic (long-standing) triggered reactions.
These are usually low-level triggers that don't seem to be as disruptive
to my daily life like the intense acute triggers that randomly come up are,
but I have found that they actually do directly interfere with my life
in many subtle yet life-altering ways.
Examining my resentments reveals life-long patterns
that have been operating just below the surface,
having a profound effect on my life.
I find that the first time doing this process starts to clear up a lot of the chaos
in a person's life.
The second time tends to take one area of life to a higher level.
I like to start by focusing on resentments towards family of origin,
which clears out a lot of old baggage.
All of our other resentments tend to stem from those resentments,
so cleaning them up can go a long way toward reducing the intensity of other triggers.
I choose when to do a resentment deep clean wisely, though,
because it can stir up a lot of negative emotions
that aren't normally near the surface.
This can be disruptive and feel painful and/or re-traumatizing.
It may cause some dissociation and/or cravings to show up.
I try to carve out 2-4 weeks to complete a deep cleaning.
I pick a time when there isn't anything majorly stressful going on in my life
(such as moving or starting a new job or grieving the loss of a loved one)
and when there aren't any special events that I need to show up for.
I clear my calendar of commitments as much as possible, and
I avoid scheduling any new appointments or social engagements during this time.
I avoid doing this type of deep cleaning right before or during the holidays.
Holidays can be stressful enough on their own.
Plus, I might be spending time during the holidays with some of the people I feel resentful towards.
I try to avoid them while my negative emotions about them are being brought to the surface.
Doing a resentment deep clean can temporarily increase our angry feelings,
because whatever we focus on increases.
I try not to drag the process out, because that will lengthen the amount of time
I spend with all the negative emotions stirred up.
This kind of deep cleaning can be especially painful the first time we do it.
Once I experienced the liberation that comes from doing a resentment deep clean,
I did not dread them in the future and they were not nearly as painful.
I come out on the other side of a deep cleaning experience with a new perspective
and a new understanding of myself, other people, life, and world around me.