Social Engagement
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SAFE SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT

We can get our need for connection met through safe social engagement.

Humans are social creatures. We need social engagement.

By putting ourselves around people, who are feeling safe, we will also benefit from the safety cues being sent out by their nervous systems.









FRIENDSHIP

Tim Fletcher talks about how to find Safe People and make friends. It takes time. (6 months to a year) There is a vetting process.

Many of us with unhealed childhood trauma don't know this. We are still operating as children do when they make friends - immediately diving in headfirst into the deep end of the pool.

Tim identifies 4 Levels of Friendship:

  1. Aquaintance
    We like them and know their name and a little bit about them.
    We only talk about surface or cliche stuff (facts & stats) like weather, sports or work.

  2. Casual
    We like spending time with them doing things. Everything is focused on common activities.
    We do a little deeper sharing (opinions & beliefs), know a bit more about them, and have some common interests.
    Comraderie is developing.

  3. Close
    We enjoy spending time together.
    We don't need something to do. We enjoy talking and share about a lot of different things (including emotions).
    It feels safe to open up about most of the stuff in our life.

  4. Soulmate (Kindred Spirit)
    Meeting of the Minds.
    We can be totally open about everything. There is no judgement, just total acceptance.
    We have shared passions, are going in the same direction in life, and have the same values.

Most friendships will stay at the first 2 levels.
We may have hundreds of aquaintances and many casual friends but only 6 or so close friends and 2 kindred spirits/soulmates (usually our partner and one friend).

Here is a video of Tim talking about these levels (starting @ 2:45) - Watch Video

Other videos about friendships/healthy relationships:

Tim Fletcher - A Longer Video about the Levels of Friendship - Watch Video

Tim Fletcher - Healthy Relationships - Watch Video

Tim Fletcher - Making Friends in Recovery - Watch Video

Crappy Childhood Fairy - Friendship Skills - Watch Video

Caroline Winkler - How to Make Friends As an Adult (Loneliness Epidemic) - Watch Video









COMMUNITY

Community also provides social engagement and positive co-regulation.

There are many types of groups that provide a safe sense of community.

  • Theater
  • Writing Groups
  • Clubs
  • Meetups
  • 12-Step Meetings
  • Spiritual Centers
  • Church
  • Volunteer Activities

It is important to note, however, that although these groups provide an environment for Safe Social Engagement, that does not mean that everyone there is necessarily a safe person one-on-one or outside of that setting.















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The content on this website is for informational purposes only.

This website does not contain medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

The information on this website is not meant be used as a substitute for professional guidance from a doctor or other qualified healthcare provider.

References do not imply endorsement of any of the referenced person or entity's other material, ideas, beliefs, actions, or behaviors.