RELIANCE
Everything we do is an attempt to get a need met,
and there are many ways to get a need met.
Who or what are we relying on to get our needs met?
When we are activated, we tend to believe that there is only one way
or only one person who can help us meet our needs.
That is probably because we are regressed to childhood
when the amount of people, resources, and options available to us was indeed limited.
In a regressed state we often try to rely on the wrong people to get our needs met.
We might even get demanding and controlling and try to force others,
who aren't willing or able, to meet our needs because deep down we feel desperate.
When someone else is activated, they may feel desperate and try to force us to meet their needs.
I find that saying a quick Need Invocation in times like that can help:
"May I find another way to get my needs met, which I am looking for in this person."
and/or
"May this person find another way to get their needs met, which they are looking for in me."
That can be turned into a Need Prayer for those who are spiritual or religious:
"God/Creator/Universe, please help me find another way to get my needs met,
which I am looking for in this person."
and/or
"Please help this person find another way to get their needs met,
which they are looking for in me."
This can help break the tunnel vision and crack the door open to new possibilities.
I found it very helpful to take an inventory of defective strategies that I use or have used to get my needs met.
It helped me clear out space for new, healthy methods to enter my awareness.
I regard these unhealthy methods as invevitable consequences of unresolved trauma (effects of trauma).
For each method I ask myself,
What need(s) did/does this method meet?
Or, What need(s) am/was I trying to meet by using this method?