Alone
What prevents trauma from getting resolved?
Many experts agree that being ALONE with what happened is why our trauma did not get resolved.
Gabor Mate has said that what creates trauma is not the traumatic event itself, but being ALONE with it.
According to Lori Galperin, what really makes trauma "Trauma" is the reaction of the environment
to an injurious experience that happened to us [at any age].
If the reaction of people in our environment ameliorates the effects of what happened,
we can move through it and move on.
When their reaction exacerbates the problem or there is complete silence,
then we are left to handle what happened ALONE.
Acccording to Teal Swan, as children, we could not find resolution [for our trauma]
because we were left to handle what happened ALONE,
and we were not equipped to handle it.
So, the crucial factor for children is whether or not they have support from a healthy adult
to deal with and process the overwhelming distressing event.
Receiving adequate support can drastically change a child's reaction.
It can help them make some kind of sense of what happened and feel safe again.
There are a wide variety of reasons why adults are not available to support a child.
Two of the most common reasons:
1. They are too disconnected, shut down, or emotionally immature due to their own unresolved trauma.
2. There is some form of environmental stress or internal stress or other distraction present
either temporarily or on an ongoing basis.
(e.g. war, poverty, illness or grief)
The point is not to blame, but to simply acknowledge what happened,
have empathy for our younger selves, and replace our childish understanding
of what happened with an adult understanding.
Compassion for ourselves and others comes from understanding.
(And then forgiveness, if appropriate, can naturally arise - we do not have to strive for it.)